Loose Ends

Loose Ends

the creative impulse gone awry

Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Life lessons from Bob

 Well, we picked a very un-japanese name for our new kitty (who we've decided to keep by the way)  Bob.  He's a bobtail cat after all, and he's just such a sweet and unassuming kinda kitty.  I've never named a cat with a person's name, and I have to admit to anthropomorphizing him more than I usually do.  The days since he's joined our lives have been dramatic but just so wonderful and peaceful- almost like the heady days with a newborn.  The whole family has been hanging out with him in his isolation chamber- our den and half bath downstairs, snuggling and commenting and noticing his every move and attending to his every need, much like you do with a newborn! 

He's doing great, by the way.  His coat is shiny, his wounds are healing and his appetite and a bit of spunk are returning.  I don't believe this cat will ever be, well, energetic.  He's a bit of a lump, but a delightful purring lump, so we're just fine with that.  I just got a call from animal control and it looks like as long as we get our three kitties up-to-date with their rabies vaccines, we can quarantine him in our home.  He has to stay inside for 6 months and considering our other kitties have been inside for, oh, 5 years or so, that shouldn't be a problem.  We're waiting to find out if we can have him leave the house long enough to get neutered- if not it will have to wait until his quarantine is up.  I think we'll manage.

I've been so very calm since he's been with us and I've spent a fair amount of time trying to figure out why.  It would make sense for me to be more frazzled.  We've had to run all over getting him to the vet twice, we've been cooped up in the den, there are so many things to think about with a new member of the family.  But I've been calmer, more peaceful, less fazed by the circus I call my life. 

I was driving to the grocery store (again, seriously, how much milk can 4 people drink?) trying again to figure out what made the rest of my life seem easier and possibly more fulfilling to have helped Bob.  Talking it over in my mind I think about the family who had him before, how they were in over their heads (much how I feel with my girls many days) how they didn't have the knowledge or capacity to love him as much as he needed.  I can say without a doubt that his life is better in my house than it was before.  It's so easy, at least we love him. 

I spend so much time questioning whether I am enough mother to our girls.  Clara, as many of you may know is a very intense kid and I sometimes wonder if I am the best mother for her out there.  If there is a mother out there who doesn't wonder sometimes if she's doing the best, or is the best for her kids then I don't really want to know. (please don't tell me) That kind of self-confidence is something I'm not capable of.  I doubt myself.  A lot, actually.  But for whatever reason the universe sent my girls to me and I am the only mother they have.  And I love them.  A lot, actually.  Why, I ask myself, is it enough for Bob that we simply love him, provide him soft places to sleep, excellent health care and tasty food.  If our love is enough for him, if it all seems so simple for him, then why do I question if my love is enough for them?  Really, it is.  It is all they ever really need.  There were lean times in my childhood when love and a place to call home was about all my mother could give us.  It was plenty.  Why, then, do I spend so much time hating on myself and my parenting?  I have no idea.  My new mantra- Love is enough.  Thank you, Bob. Every time I start to feel a little overwhelmed, I'm going to go give you some pets and remember this.

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